Its been a roller-coaster this past few weeks, there are days when I forget the pain of losing my Alanna and there are days when I remember. I know I am trying soooo badly to move on but then it seems that I always fall and get hurt again... and again... and again. I tried to keep myself busy everyday thinking that this will help but everything seems to be connected to her-- from eating my breakfast, taking a shower, watching tv, playing with my kids and especially when it's time to go to bed. Does time really heal? I always tell these words to myself but I've been feeling that this would never happen...there will be no time where I will EVER heal and forget the pain... The pain is always going to be there.. Scars!
I'm beginning to think that right now I'm stuck between choosing 'remember memories of her but then feel pain' or 'forget her memories to forget pain'. I don't know, I'm getting so confused lately, but what i know is I want to ' remember every details and memories of her and forget the pain'. Does that option even exist? I guess i just need to learn how to do it, maybe not today... but I hope I can do it in the future. Can someone help me? Does time really heal?
No, time doesn't heal the pain. I like this quote from Lori Weatherly from http://facetsoflifeafterloss.blogspot.com/ "Time can pass friends, and it does...but within my heart it stands still-and my love grows for Matthew everday just as it does with my other boys! There is no difference! That's why I stand upon what I wrote in my book about time not making it better-Time makes you miss them more...Because it is one day, one month, one year longer that you are away from them. God gives us the innate ability to cope daily, but time doesn't do anything but keep running the big world around you...while time within, stands still." Remembering without the "sharp" pain of their loss does come but I think the pain will always be there. I think with God's help there will be moments when we we will be able to remember our angel babies and feel joy. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteIndeed, time makes you miss them more. Time does not heal at all. Thanks for sharing Shauna, I'm glad it's not only me.
Delete