Family Picture Taken

We had our family pictures taken for the first time yesterday after losing my baby Alanna and of course all I think about was how I wish she was there with us. When we arrive at the studio, I didn't know what to expect. I usually get my kids' pictures taken individually but this time I want a change, on top of my kids pictures, I want to do group family pictures. It was also my first time in that particular Sears studio so I really don't know what to expect. Plus, I know I had to  'suck it up' and put my best smile while I know I am hurting and dying inside.

The photographer called us and he asked me who will be his subject and how I want pictures taken. I told him what I wanted. He started told us where to sit and stand,etc. I noticed it's like pattern, he took my kids pictures individually, then all three of my kids, then our pictures as a family, then my husband and my kids, me and my kids, then all boys, then all girls, and then me and my husband together.  He took lots of different poses and pictures what I thought it will never end. It was an experience, I thought it's an activity that I would want to do with my family, at least once a year would be nice.

When the photographer was done, he asked me if he miss anything, in my head I was thinking, yes he did! my baby Alanna's picture! but of course I did not say that, I simply said we are done. Then we went over all the shoots and had to decide what pictures we want and how we want them developed. For every pictures that I've seen with my kids, I imagine my baby Alanna with us. I wanted to tell the photographer that there is something missing, I thought some pictures were not balance, but again of course I didn't. Especially after he took my husband pictures and my 2 boys, He called me and my daughter. I really wish I have 2 girls.. it would have been perfect. It would have been balance. I miss my Alanna and had to hold my tears again.

But in total, the photo-shoot went well, he took nice pictures and we'll get the printed copy next week. I got the CD right away and so I was excited to look at them at home again. I edited some of them, edited backgrounds and wanted to share it everybody. If only I can edit the picture and add Alanna, I would. But then of course I did not. But that day, in my heart and mind, she was with us taking pictures. Her body might not be present but she will always be a part of our family photo.

I love and miss you my baby Alanna Phoebe!

Our Family Picture