Saturday, 6 October 2012

Capture Your Grief, Day 6: What Not To Say

I know it is impossible for someone who has not been in the same situation to understand how difficult it is to lose someone they love. I learn that a lot people do  not even know what to say to us and I know that sometimes people think that what they say would make me/us feel better. But here are some words that I remember being said to me and it just made things worse.

  • "You need to move on", "Let it go" or "You should be over it by now"-- I will heal and find happiness again, but no one "gets over" the lost of a loved one. She will always be a part of who I am.
  • "You are young, you can have more children"-- Alanna is irreplaceable, saying those words doesn't take away the grief of us losing our baby.

I'm sure people just want me to feel better but these words DO NOT help, despite your best intentions.  I would rather hear that you are there for me or just be silent. Sometimes Silence is GOLDEN. By this, I don't mean the silence that comes from avoiding the topic.  It's more of sitting with us allowing us to pour our hearts out or just a genuine loving hug.


  1. Some people say the most heartless things... they really don't "get" it, at all!

    I agree with you... a loving hug goes a long way.

    1. Yes they don't! but I am trying to understand them because I know people probably don't know what to say.. I'm sure they don't have bad intentions, they just want to help. I guess they'll never know because they're not in the same position.


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