Kenley's Empty Arms Project

(In memory of Rachael's daughter, Kenley Faith-- family's tiny princess)

Rachael hand out bears to the local hospitals & Doctors' office in Montana where she lives. She do open up requests to a set number of moms one day a month. Visit their Facebook page to read about what she does. ❤

I requested this bear when she was moving. I was not expecting it to come to me so early as I know how busy it is for someone to be moving but hey! I got my bear and I love it!

Thank you Rachael from Kenley's Empty Arms Project [K.E.A.P] for sending my family this bear. Like what you said on your FBpage, it did reminded me of  "the pain of leaving the hospital with nothing but empty arms and a broken heart". I am really, really thankful though for what you've sent me. 

I showed it to my children and my daughter hugged and kissed the bear. I told her about what you do and told her that I am expecting a bear in the mail. You should see the happiness in her eyes when I told her that I got something in the mail. It was one of those days that I hope it was really her baby sister Alanna. I can just imagine if we went home that day with Alanna in a baby car-seat that she would hug and kiss her too.. but then we came home that day empty handed. It is wonderful to see though what her reaction will be.

My daughter sleeps with the bear you've sent and she said she loves the smell of it. ❤❤❤. I think she is smelling what I can't smell... who knows? maybe Alanna sent that smell to her somehow through your bear. ❤

Photo of my K.E.A.P. Bear when I received it

♥♥♥
Thank you Rachael

My son with the bear. All smiles~!♥

When we went to Fallsview Indoor Waterpark we checked-in at Skyline Inn Hotel and my daughter did bring the bear. Thought to share a picture with them together in a crib. ♥. Alanna would've been sleeping on that crib *bittersweet*.

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In Our Hearts Photo Pendants

Look what I got in the mail this week?!

I have few pictures of Alanna so for every website that I encounter who can make them into something special I try my very best to get them, my means of remembering her. I regret I only have few pictures of her but I am still glad that those few pictures I have can be made into something special like this "in our heart photo pendants."♥♥♥

Today I want to share In Our Hearts Photo Pendants that was created in honor of Madelyn Rebecca and Noah Benjamin as a way to memorialize the babies/children and loved ones who have left this world too soon. In Our Hearts Photo Pendants provides memorial pendants to parents (or other family members) who have lost a baby/child. For parents who do not have photos of their child, Celia can also create a pendant with your child's name or other design or symbol for your special child. For more information you can find  Celia on her Facebook page and they also have a Website. 

From Celia @  In Our Hearts Photo Pendants

I was expecting smaller ones but they are big and I LOVE it ~!♥♥♥

Something I can add on Alanna's Shadow box cabinet.
I might give one or 2 to someone
I'm not sure yet

You are always in my heart

I received this wonderful handmade heart with Alanna Phoebe's name last week from Rhonda. I was so touched and surprised to see it on our mailbox. I know that she was sending them to me but honestly, I was so occupied with my kids and my loss that I forgot all about it. Still mending my broken heart from my loss that a lot of things I forget. It says sender "Paul" on the envelope--no last name, I pause and think who would have send me something. I had to feel what's inside before opening it. Then my heart jumped and I thought of Rhonda. I opened it so fast that I really ripped the envelope. I cried and saw my Alanna Phoebe's name. It's so beautiful! I thought the colors where perfect, there's a heart shaped hole, ribbon(so people can hang it),love the butterfly and flower that she put plus the footprint is so cute. She even added something at the back of the heart "Our Forever Baby". I was just expecting just blank plain at the back but she really did an awesome job. When she took a photo before sending it to me, I only saw the front so I was really surprised to see the back portion of it. She really did her time making it, and this I will never forget. I will never forget what Rhonda, her Steven and  Baby Sabrowske did for me. Her site really says it  "You are Always in my heart".

Her story touched my heart, please feel free to visit her website You are Always In My Heart and read her inspiring story. Check her site and you can make request if you would like handmade hearts in memory of your child(ren).

I hang it on the door knob where I put Alanna's
ashes and things. Our Mini Cabinet-Shadow box.
Now it has her name on it. Thanks Rhonda, Steven
& Baby S. ♥♥♥

Capture Your Grief, Day 25: Baby Shower/Blessing

We were not expecting Alanna to come out at 28-weeks, so I did not really had a baby shower. I am sharing though a picture of the only thing that I have received early for Alanna. Baby clothes that came from the Philippines from my niece Rose("Lot-Lot"). I actually ask her to buy me these things and told her that I will send the money for    the cost but she told me that I don't have to pay her in return. 

When my brother-in-law came back from his trip  to the Philippines, he was carrying the baby clothes. I remember I got them few days before I lost Alanna. I didn't even open it up until Alanna's funeral as I was looking for a clothing that she can wear for her funeral. I cried when I saw them because I knew she can never try them and wear them. It was too big for her small body. I have more than one, so I plan to give them away. I am not sure though if I want to keep one set for myself or should I just give everything. I'm not sure yet. I guess when that time comes, I will know what to do with them. 

Also, I want to share the photos below that I consider blessing that was given to us to remember Alanna. Also check my Most Treasure Items Post which is also consider blessing.

cross from the funeral homes

Message in a bottle from her Great Grandma Romy

Bag with Alanna's things from the hospital
From the Hospital where I deliver Alanna

A place for my baby Alanna's urn

We have been looking for a place in our house to put Alanna's urn because she has been sitting there in our buffet table. When we got her urn, we temporarily put her on the table since her candle and flowers were already set there. And I guess, because we don’t really know where to put her urn. Who would have known that we would need a place to put something like an urn in a home? It is so unexpected. 

I don't mind her on the table because I like seeing her there when I'm on my laptop or watching TV. It’s in the middle of our house so when I do something in the kitchen or in the living room, I can always take a peek and see her lit candle and her urn. When I write something on my blog, I find it heartwarming that she keeps me company and that she's there watching me, while I pour my emotions out. Sometimes, when my mind is blank or feel empty, I find peace just staring at her lit candle. Love it that I can just easily whisper things to her whenever I miss her. But then lately, when my kids come home from school, they don't have a place to do their homework. They've been doing their homework on the table for the past few years and now that we have put her urn on the table, they keep on hitting her urn and candle with their school stuff from school.

Yesterday, I found a perfect place to put her, in a cabinet made of glass that has been sitting in our bedroom empty. I remember my sister-in-law[thank you Ate Fe!] giving it to us when we first moved in our house and it’s been there on top of our side table empty since and I thought that this is a perfect place to put her urn and memorabilia.

I’m happy that she is there close to me hoping that when I go to sleep she’ll be in my dreams. 

Took a picture of it and hoping to put more stuff for her in the future.

Alanna's Cabinet with her Urn and Memorabilia

Also got a white bear with Alanna's name on it from my sister-in-law["Tita Jane"--Thank you!] yesterday. So touched. I love the bear's smell and reminded me how Alanna smelled when I had her in my arms. She smelled so sweet and felt so soft. 

White Baby bear for Alanna from Jane and Family
~Thank you~

Welcome home my baby

Its been 4-weeks-and-1-day, we went to church today and went to the funeral home to finalize everything. We planned to choose an urn to bring my baby Alanna's ashes home. We wanted to do this before her 40 days. I was feeling a bit scared to go back in the funeral home, being there brings sadness because