First Visit with my OB after Loss - DId not go very well

Met with my OB this week and I thought I will have all the questions that is bothering my head lately. I thought I was OK when they told me in the hospital how my baby died. But then one time, I was reading some blogs and came to a site where they offer to share memories of children on their website. I wanted to put Alanna's name on their list when a question stopped me, it says "Cause of Death". I had to pause, it's like putting "weak lungs" is not the right word, its just not enough. It hate myself that I don't have enough information why my baby died. I remember when they told us that she died because she has a weak lungs, they ask us if we have any questions but why did I not ask them any questions?!!? and now I have all this questions in my head that I don't know WHO has the answers and WHERE can I get the answers? I want to know what is the cause of her death! I want to see her records how she died. I regret not having an autopsy for her, the thought of having someone cut her up is just unbearable but now I regret that decision. I wish I did, I know it will not change anything but I just want to know more information. 

And so I thought that maybe meeting with my OB on my checkup will give me answers but as I feared I came to her office and the wait time is longer than me talking to her. I did not like it when I came in her office, I felt sad because I thought I would have been pregnant still and would have been just going for a regular check up, but here I am waiting for answers. When she came in the room, she asked me if I was breast feeding. I kept quiet, I did not know what to say. I thought and said in my head "REALLY? you are going ot ask me that question?". Then I guess she noticed that I was not talking and then she looked at her folder. Then she ask me so many questions like what happen? did we get to a car accident? She asked me what happen to the baby? I just felt like wringing her neck that time. All my questions in my head just evaporated. She asked me the question that I'm suppose to ask her. I remember her also telling me that "probably if you were closer to the sick kids hospital your baby would have not die!" Then that's it! I was so upset and cried. I thought she was the meanest person in the world and  thought to myself that I will never go back to her ever again. I just wanted to run and get out there right away, I'm so glad that I have my youngest son with me that time or God knows what I would have done. Afterwards, we went to a coffee shop nearby to wait for my husband, while waiting I had to compose myself, I thought that she probably is a very busy person and for her, situation like having her patient's baby die is pretty much her everyday norm. I don't know if I will feel sorry for myself or feel sorry for her but all I know is she was not sorry for what happen, or I guess that's what I felt that day. I guess I know I feel sorry for myself because I still don't have the answers to my questions, I don't know what to do at this point. Should I just let it go? I'm thinking to call the hospital where I delivered Alanna but I just don't have the words to ask. I don't know how to start the conversation. I fear that again I'm stuck here thinking and can't go forward. Hopefully someone, someway someday I will find the answers that I am looking for.