Kenley's Empty Arms Project

(In memory of Rachael's daughter, Kenley Faith-- family's tiny princess)

Rachael hand out bears to the local hospitals & Doctors' office in Montana where she lives. She do open up requests to a set number of moms one day a month. Visit their Facebook page to read about what she does. ❤

I requested this bear when she was moving. I was not expecting it to come to me so early as I know how busy it is for someone to be moving but hey! I got my bear and I love it!

Thank you Rachael from Kenley's Empty Arms Project [K.E.A.P] for sending my family this bear. Like what you said on your FBpage, it did reminded me of  "the pain of leaving the hospital with nothing but empty arms and a broken heart". I am really, really thankful though for what you've sent me. 

I showed it to my children and my daughter hugged and kissed the bear. I told her about what you do and told her that I am expecting a bear in the mail. You should see the happiness in her eyes when I told her that I got something in the mail. It was one of those days that I hope it was really her baby sister Alanna. I can just imagine if we went home that day with Alanna in a baby car-seat that she would hug and kiss her too.. but then we came home that day empty handed. It is wonderful to see though what her reaction will be.

My daughter sleeps with the bear you've sent and she said she loves the smell of it. ❤❤❤. I think she is smelling what I can't smell... who knows? maybe Alanna sent that smell to her somehow through your bear. ❤

Photo of my K.E.A.P. Bear when I received it

♥♥♥
Thank you Rachael

My son with the bear. All smiles~!♥

When we went to Fallsview Indoor Waterpark we checked-in at Skyline Inn Hotel and my daughter did bring the bear. Thought to share a picture with them together in a crib. ♥. Alanna would've been sleeping on that crib *bittersweet*.

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Eden's Wings - my very own handmade bracelet

Got it this week.

Sharing my Handmade Bracelet from Molly at Eden's Wings-- a symbol of healing, hope and remembrance. ❤❤❤

To Molly,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love wearing it! ❤

 Visit Eden'sWing pages --> Facebook or Site.

"E" for Eden's 

Thank you Gianna's Light

I received my ribbons from Gianna's Light this week. I ordered 3 ribbons and I am hoping for my 3 children to wear them on Alanna's Death anniversary on August.

Thank you Gianna Lynn's Mom, Sherri. (I thought I love the name Gianna as it rhymes with my baby Alanna ♥♥♥)

To request and read about Gianna's Light please feel visit their site.

white, blue and pink heart ribbons

Thank you Ethan's Flame

Thank you to Ethan's Parents-- Joy and Brian for this beautiful, personalized handmade flameless memorial candle. I was so speechless.

I have found this site last year, a few months after I lost my Alanna through another BLMama and I fell in love with the candle that she got for her son. I checked Ethan's Flame website and wanted to get a candle for my Alanna but unfortunately was not able to order right away as they only ship in US. I tried to look locally for a similar candle but unfortunately did not find anything.

Recently, I thought of my relative in US and asked her a favor to have something shipped to her address, asked her to give it to my Niece afterwards who goes to school near the Canada border. I told her that I will pick it up when we come visit her. 

My wait and our trip is all worth it!♥♥♥

Ethan's Flame can make your own special candle with your baby's name and photo. There is also a beautiful poem at the back. It comes with a flame-less candle.

Please visit their website to read about Ethan and request your very own personalized flameless candle. ♥♥♥

Again, my heartfelt thank you Joy and Brian for this amazing and awesome candle. Thank you for what you do in memory of your beautiful Ethan and for offering light and inspiration for the baby loss community in our darkest moments.♥♥♥. 

Thank you Beanie 4 A Baby

Thank you Timothy Jr's Mom --Molly for Alanna's Beanie 4 A Baby. I know you've sent it way back in March to my niece address, I just got it last April 21. We finally had the time to cross the border and pick it up. It was worth the drive. ♥♥♥. Thank you so much.

Thank you for personalizing it-- I love seeing Alanna's name♥. Thank you for what you do in memory of your little Timothy and for the BL Community. ♥♥♥

Justice for All - Certificate of Life

Alanna's Certificate of Life

Thank you for doing this Ami~! 

Please visit Ami's website "Justice for All"--  Ami makes  the certificate in Justice's memory to give back some peace and comfort to those who have lost a baby. Just as any baby who is conceived or born is issued a birth certificate. She personalized certificates for anyone who has lost a child, or knows someone who has lost a child. Read about Ami, Justice and her work and request your child's own Soul Certificate/ Certificate of Life for free on her site. 

Revisiting the Funeral Homes

We were waiting for our turn because
someone was there before us 

Last Sunday, we went to Ogden Funeral Homes where Alanna's visitation was done. We got a letter from them a few weeks back inviting us to come to the funeral home to light a Candle of Remembrance in memory of our dear beloved Alanna. For the month of December, they have this special area where bereaved families can stop by and light a candle so before Christmas we thought of visiting Ogden to light a candle and to  remember our missed baby Alanna. 

Alanna's Big brother writing on the guestbook. He lit a candle for his little baby sister Alanna. It was his first time lighting a candle  using matchsticks ♥♥ We had few laughs when he tried to lit it up. He ended up using the  other burning candle to lit the matchstick.

Alanna's big sister saying a little prayer and doing her little speech ♥♥, talking to Alanna in her own way. Almost made me cry because she was so shy but she said she missed her and greeted her "Merry Christmas"

   

We miss you baby Alanna. It is heartbreaking to go back to a place where people came to visit our baby daughter for the first and last time to remember and pay respect. I still remember those people who came. Flashbacks-- sad and happy thoughts came. It is sad to think what took place on that place but I am happy that family, relatives and close friends came to sympathize and support our family during those hard times. 

Me and my daughter lit a candle for our missed baby Alanna

@ Ogden Funeral Homes

We also got a special souvenir ornament that we can hang on our Christmas Tree this Christmas from Ogden Funeral Homes. ♥♥♥

from Ogden Funeral Homes

Connecticut Shooting Sandy Hook Elementary School

The news of the children and people whose lives were taken in Connecticut brings so much sadness in the world. The news really brought me back to that day when I lost my Alanna. Thinking that everything is fine and that nothing bad will ever happen to your child when next thing you know she is gone. 

I just can't imagine the terror these little innocent children have faced. My heart goes to their families especially this month when Christmas is so close. 

When I found out about the news, I was crying inside, I mourn just thinking about how these parents feel waiting to hear if their children is safe or if their children lost their lives. I cry for the teachers who tried to protect their students and then lost their lives doing it. My heart goes to those children traumatized, young children who witnessed this horrible incident, just can't imagine how they will come back to school after what they have experienced. 

I worry and thought of my innocent children. I just can't stop worrying about them leaving the house without me. We live in a cruel place where we don't know what's going to happen next. We tried so hard to make sure nothing bad is going to happen to them but sometimes even if we don't want them to get hurt, things just happen. 

I worry about my children's safety everyday

I pray for all of the families of the children and the teachers who were sadly killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School. 

Capture Your Grief, Day 27: Artwork

Day 27. Artwork Share some artwork that reminds you of your baby/ies/child/ren or something that was created for them by you or someone else.

When I started my blog, I've met a lot of people who makes art work/projects for babies. I have posted their work under "Alanna's Name Gallery" Page which can be found HERE. I am so blessed finding them and getting things for my Alanna.

I also want to share an art work my 5-year old daughter made last week. She showed it to me and I was so touched and happy that she remembers her baby sister. There were times when I have second thoughts of not mentioning Alanna to my kids, especially to Ava and Ross. But I am glad that I am open to them and do things for Alanna with them. I'm so very proud that she knows how to spell her sister's name. I remember spelling it out for her once but now she just writes it all by herself without asking for help. 

Artwork by Alanna's sister Ava 2012 October

Capture Your Grief, Day 18: Your Family Portrait

2012 October Family Portrait

2012 September 19
Family Portrait - Releasing balloon for Alanna
1-month heaven birthday

2012 September 19
My 3 children staring at Alanna's balloon to be released
They said it's for her to play with in heaven

Capture Your Grief, Day 15: WAVE OF LIGHT

"When a child loses a parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them."

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day across the world. Too many families grieve in silence, sometimes never comes to terms with their loss. I know because I myself grieve and I also met parents who has lost their children for how many years now but still grieve for them. But again I want to pass and share this, came from a parent that I met, a quote from Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, founder of the MISS Foundation: "Grief is not a disease, it is not an illness, it is not depression. It is, in fact, an expression of love. Grief can only be a disease if love is."

I lit candle today to remember my Alanna and all angel babies who have left our arms too soon. I wanted to light more candles but because I have a little boy who thinks candles are for playing and blowing birthdays, I decided to burn one and have one flameless turned on. We did not want any accident in the house but I am still happy to remember my baby and all the parents babies that I've met. Also loved seeing other parents picture their candles on this special day.

I also took video and when the flame danced I felt that Alanna was there: