I am an Unfit Mother

I think I am losing it. My heart is aching because I think I know now why has God taken Alanna to me so soon. I am an Unfit Mother. I was helping my daughter in her homework, helping her read. I just kept shouting at her because she can't read her books. I lost my patience and hit her in her arm. My husband heard me shouting at her. I had to stop helping her with her homework and told myself I can't do it anymore. I even shouted at my husband and told him to help her do her homework. My daughter cried because I hit her very hard. I really feel so bad. I am so hurt that I screamed and hit my daughter for just not able to read the few words in her book. Why would God give Alanna to me if I can not even handle my other daughter? Maybe God is punishing me because I don't have patience with my kids. Maybe He knows that I am not worth to have another child. All I can do right now is cry. All this emotions is slowly destroying me. I am so scared that one day it will destroy my family. I am asking the Lord to give me more strength. God knows how I love my children so much. I wouldn't want them hurt. Please help me Lord and give me more strength. I love my children

Capture Your Grief, Day 24: Siblings

Day 24. Siblings Obviously not everyone can use siblings as a subject but I felt it was important to include the children who are left here to grieve their brothers and sisters. Capture a sibling, niece or nephew’s grief. Maybe you could share a drawing they have done or even just a photo of them holding something that represents their brother or sister that they are missing. Give them a voice here.

I am glad that my niece Samantha took some pictures during Alanna's funeral visitation from her cellphone. Below are the ONLY pictures I have of Alanna with her brothers and sister. I wish we took more pictures, I guess one of my regret is not having my children come to the hospital to see her. It would be nice for them to hold their baby sister and take pictures. I admit, I am jealous of those family who have pictures of their kids with their baby. If only I knew that this is ok I would have taken tons of pictures!

Kristopher and her baby sister Alanna

Ava and her baby sister Alanna

Diezel and his baby sister Alanna
He was running around, he's so innocent.
I'm glad someone took this picture

And I also want to share my 12-year old niece Samantha who took and saved the pictures above using her cellphone.

Samantha, Alanna's cousin

Also want to share what my niece's message and my son's drawing which can be found on this POST.