Today I met with a doctor who was helping me fill up with the form from work. I tried my best not to break down and cry but still unsuccessful. Of course I had to tell her what happened and without success I cried and felt the pain, still hurt everytime I tell someone what happened on that day. I am just too weak and I hate it! The doctor was OK but I just didn't like when she told me her story about her Dad who died of Cancer in the hospital who was even treated but later died where she works for. Believe me, I do feel sorry that she lost her dad but why did she had to compare my loss?
She told me that after a month she came back to work and that she still cries when someone asked her how she is doing. She told me that not going back to work is too much because it's been months now. It has been 3-months and 8-days since I lost her. Am I grieving too much? It just seems so fresh. It's like she is telling me "Hey! I did it! Why can't you?" Am I being too emotional? maybe over sensitive of my loss? losing it? I thought her loss is way different than mine. My father died when I was 7-years old, my grandmother died few years ago, my father-in-law who was very close to me recently died but their death is so different afterwards. It's just not the same, I feel different losing my baby, my Alanna.
I just wonder if she has kids? I don't really know what's happening with me? maybe she is right, doctors are suppose to be smart right? I just don't know what to think anymore. I am just too weak and I hate it!
