Remembrance Day

Remembrance Day (also known as Poppy Day) is a memorial day to remember the members of the armed forces who have died in the line of duty.

Why should I wear a Poppy?

When you wear a Poppy or display a Wreath, you honour the war dead and help ex-service personnel and their dependents.

Who should wear a Poppy?

Everyone should be encouraged to war a Poppy, as it is a way for all Canadians to honour the memory of the thousands of Canadians who gave their lives in the defence of freedom. This freedom, however, also means having the right to chose and it is a person’s right not to wear a Poppy if they choose not to.

When is a Poppy worn?

Traditionally, the Poppy is worn during the Remembrance period, which is from the last Friday in October to the end of the day on 11 November. 

♥My kids came home with their usual poppy pins from school. They come home every year and always excited to show me their pins and it just reminded me of my Alanna. How she will not come from school over excited with her poppy. But that day, I got one to share with her, her first poppy pin to remember thousands of men and women who sacrificed their lives in military service.

Alanna's first Poppy pin for Remembrance Day
"To remember thousands of men and women who sacrificed their lives in military service."

My Children, my kids, my love

I was going through your brothers and sister's pictures and I can see the difference of how they grow through the years. It bring heartaches that I can only picture you as a baby but it so nice to know that you will be my forever baby. I am sad that I can no longer take pictures of you my Alanna but today I found a cool app while going through my Ipad. I want to share it to everyone. Even if I can no longer take your pictures with us I want to do collages with our family with you. 

You will always be in my heart my forever baby.

I love and miss you,

Mommy

can you see where is my Alanna?

I am an Unfit Mother

I think I am losing it. My heart is aching because I think I know now why has God taken Alanna to me so soon. I am an Unfit Mother. I was helping my daughter in her homework, helping her read. I just kept shouting at her because she can't read her books. I lost my patience and hit her in her arm. My husband heard me shouting at her. I had to stop helping her with her homework and told myself I can't do it anymore. I even shouted at my husband and told him to help her do her homework. My daughter cried because I hit her very hard. I really feel so bad. I am so hurt that I screamed and hit my daughter for just not able to read the few words in her book. Why would God give Alanna to me if I can not even handle my other daughter? Maybe God is punishing me because I don't have patience with my kids. Maybe He knows that I am not worth to have another child. All I can do right now is cry. All this emotions is slowly destroying me. I am so scared that one day it will destroy my family. I am asking the Lord to give me more strength. God knows how I love my children so much. I wouldn't want them hurt. Please help me Lord and give me more strength. I love my children

Expected Due Date - November 4th, 2012

November 4 would've been just a regular day to everyone but November 4 is my Expected Due Date. The sad part is nobody knows it but me. No one remembered but me. The day I should have my baby Alanna but then she came too soon... came too soon.

I woke up yesterday and the first thing I did was cry. I cried and cried and cried while my family was still sleeping tired from the party last night. I rubbed and felt my tummy while I cried shaking, thinking that if I touched my belly I will feel my baby.. still in there. Honestly, I still wish for the day that I will wake up one day and my baby will be there, hoped that I will wake up from this bad dream but then I know in my mind there will be no baby to hug and kiss and that this is not a bad dream but a reality. My baby is gone...

My husband woke up and saw me crying, he asked 'what's wrong mommy?' I hid my face in the blanket and shook my head and said 'nothing'. Luckily, my kids were awake and they came running in our bedroom so I hugged and kissed them. My family-- the reason for me to go on with life, the reason for me not to lose hope. After few minutes of just cuddling with my kids, I asked my husband what's for breakfast, I had to think of something to avoid his question. Told him I'm starving. I don't know if avoiding the question is the right thing to do but I thought it is. I'm just not sure anymore. I wish there were books to read about what to do, class to attend to learn how to.. but here I am lost and trying to find my way.

It felt like a cold water has been thrown in my face. I think I need someone to really slap me hard in the face, shake me hard and shout to me that my baby is dead! There I said it, my baby is dead! Those words are just so hard to accept even just typing them makes me cry.

Still I ask the questions why? Why me? Why my baby? Why did it happen? Why didn't I know you're coming too early? Why are you not with me, not in my arms? Why has God taken you so early? Why can no one save you? Why? Why? Why? It just hurt so much, it's just so unfair!

My fear came, my baby's due date came and still I don't have my baby Alanna. What happen is not a bad dream--Reality is she is gone. God help me to see, please guide me and give me strength.