Happy 4-months birthday Alanna! Mommy miss you. I still wish you are here with us...OMG! I told myself that I am going to write my blog today and try not to cry but no luck, here I am crying while I typed! (INHALE-EXHALE)
OK after wiping my tears let me start again...
December's not really been that great for me, God knows I tried so hard keeping myself "fine and dandy", still trying to balance my life for my kids, trying to be happy for them while my heart is so crushed inside for my loss of my precious baby Alanna.
My daughter turned 6-year-old this month, we spent it at Great Wolf Lodge, which was our first outing as a family together after what happen with Alanna, away from home, away from everybody else. And of course, I saw baby girls in their cute swim suites(again imagining what would Alanna be like if she was there) but I was proud of myself because I was successful, no cries -- OK! I lied, I admit I teared up a bit but quickly wipe them away and look at my 3 kids enjoying their time, having fun in the water.
I really am having this "Sadappy" feeling inside of me now that the holiday is coming up. My first December in my life that I am not so sure how to celebrate. I guess this is life for me now, a very big change that I am trying to accept and slowly learn... it's like being "reborn" again and learning things to my new "normal" me. The "new normal" that I was not expecting to come, I don't want to be in this position, never planned what's happening withbut unfortunately it is here. Yes, I am learning again how to "live life the fullest", I have to... for my family especially my children. I don't know when and how but I guess God only knows the answers. I really don't know how and when but I know I am trying.
I miss and love you Alanna. Happy 4-months heaven birthday my precious Angel.
OK after wiping my tears let me start again...
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| ♥♥♥ My sleeping flower angel Alanna ♥♥♥ |
December's not really been that great for me, God knows I tried so hard keeping myself "fine and dandy", still trying to balance my life for my kids, trying to be happy for them while my heart is so crushed inside for my loss of my precious baby Alanna.
My daughter turned 6-year-old this month, we spent it at Great Wolf Lodge, which was our first outing as a family together after what happen with Alanna, away from home, away from everybody else. And of course, I saw baby girls in their cute swim suites(again imagining what would Alanna be like if she was there) but I was proud of myself because I was successful, no cries -- OK! I lied, I admit I teared up a bit but quickly wipe them away and look at my 3 kids enjoying their time, having fun in the water.
I really am having this "Sadappy" feeling inside of me now that the holiday is coming up. My first December in my life that I am not so sure how to celebrate. I guess this is life for me now, a very big change that I am trying to accept and slowly learn... it's like being "reborn" again and learning things to my new "normal" me. The "new normal" that I was not expecting to come, I don't want to be in this position, never planned what's happening withbut unfortunately it is here. Yes, I am learning again how to "live life the fullest", I have to... for my family especially my children. I don't know when and how but I guess God only knows the answers. I really don't know how and when but I know I am trying.
I miss and love you Alanna. Happy 4-months heaven birthday my precious Angel.
Monthly Birthday:
Alanna is so beautiful!!! ((Hugs)) as you go through the holidays. I thought I was going to be okay this year, but, I'm falling apart the closer it gets to Christmas. Holidays are hard! Happy (late) 4 month angel birthday Alanna <3 <3 <3 <3
ReplyDeletethanks Shauna.. sending my love to u this holiday
DeleteHappy 4 month birthday Alanna <3
ReplyDeletety and happy 5 months to Gabriel!
DeleteI've started a new community of Facebook that I would love to include your beautiful Alanna in...Growing Up In Neverland. Feel free to check out more at http://realworldmedium.blogspot.com/2014/07/growing-up-in-neverland.html.
ReplyDelete