Happy 3-months Heaven Birthday my Baby

Rose from daddy

Three months has passed and I feel the same. My heart♥ still aches and I still cries for you not being here with me. I am still lost and hanging on, I really wish there are books to learn on how to go on with life and how to ease the pain that I feel everyday. I always have to put that smile for everyone to see, to tell them that I am ok, that I am fine. Sometimes I have to remind myself to breath. I wonder if people knew that my heart is so crushed inside.

This is probably not want you want me to feel but it's there, I am hurting. I always say to myself that yes God has plans for you, easy to say but it just crushes me because this is not what I planned. I say so many things to somehow feel better but my heart always say something different--always longing to be with you.

Sometimes it makes me wonder, is there really heaven? am I a bad person to ask? I ask, but still I always imagine you up in the clouds, with angel wings looking down at us. I hope someone is taking care of you, maybe my papa, 'tatang' or grandma? I hope they are.. all I can do is imagine.

Happy 3-months birthday Alanna! I miss you baby. ♥♥♥

I love the color of these roses.
Daddy bought them for Alanna's 3rd-Month Heaven Birthday

----------------------------------

In memory of our Alanna,-- your brothers, sister and me started doing Baby Clay Names for other babies. I've been meaning to do this so they will remember you, I am just scared that one day they will forget you. But I am very happy that they are always excited to do clay names, theyve been mentioning your name as well. It felt that solid ice of silence is broken, it is ok to mention Alanna's name in our house.

Monthly Birthday:

♥ 1-month bday

♥ 2-month bday

♥ 3-month bday
♥ 4-month bday
♥ 5-month bday