I think I am losing it. My heart is aching because I think I know now why has God taken Alanna to me so soon. I am an Unfit Mother. I was helping my daughter in her homework, helping her read. I just kept shouting at her because she can't read her books. I lost my patience and hit her in her arm. My husband heard me shouting at her. I had to stop helping her with her homework and told myself I can't do it anymore. I even shouted at my husband and told him to help her do her homework. My daughter cried because I hit her very hard. I really feel so bad. I am so hurt that I screamed and hit my daughter for just not able to read the few words in her book. Why would God give Alanna to me if I can not even handle my other daughter? Maybe God is punishing me because I don't have patience with my kids. Maybe He knows that I am not worth to have another child. All I can do right now is cry. All this emotions is slowly destroying me. I am so scared that one day it will destroy my family. I am asking the Lord to give me more strength. God knows how I love my children so much. I wouldn't want them hurt. Please help me Lord and give me more strength. I love my children
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ReplyDeleteYou are NOT an unfit mother--you are a grieving mother. <3 Grief sometimes makes us do crazy things and it makes trying to live in the day to day world really hard. It is a hurt and an ache beyond anything that is descriable. We all make mistakes, your family will forgive you, God will forgive you, you need to be able to forgive yourself. Do you have a SHARE group or a grief group for baby loss mommies in your area? It really helped me to talk to other baby loss mommies to know that what I was feeling was normal. My 1st year that I loss Janessa I felt completely alone and abandoned by everyone--it was really hard. You're in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS))) You can email me anytime :)
ReplyDeleteThe hospital where I gave birth sent me this info package about grieving parents group in my area, has contact #'s but I've never made that step to call. I think I'm not ready yet, I feel like I'm going to just breakdown if I call them. I have my blog and facebook group to share what I feel and sometimes that helps... but hoping in the future I'll be able to reach out. Thanks Shauna for your kind words((hugs back))
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