My Special Birthday Request

Yes I have a request to YOU. But I shall get to that in a moment. 

BACKGROUND:

For some of you who have known or read my blog, I lost my baby Alanna last August 19th, 2012. I have been struggling to get back to my normal me but slowly accepting that this is the new me(make sense?). I've changed and learned a lot on this journey. I've learned to smile and laugh again. I admit sometimes, I feel guilty for being happy but then someone told me that being happy doesn't mean that they are not missed or love. I want to be extra happy on my birthday.

REQUEST:

My birthday is coming up next week. I'll be a year older next week-- on February 2nd, I have one request or you may call it my birthday wish? If you are reading this post all I'm requesting is to see Alanna's name written in anyway, please take a photo of it and send it to me @ourforeverbaby@gmail.com please. It doesn't have to be in a very artistic way. Simply writing Alanna's name on your own penmanship, typing her name in computer, writing it in a wall, drawn in sand beaches,spelled out in rocks, gems, pebbles, written in chalk, OR just anywhere spelled or written. Anything works for me! (just want to see her name photos)

So pretty please... I want YOU to help me celebrate my birthday by writing my baby "Alanna's Name", take a photo and send it to me. It brings me so much happiness and comfort to see her name and know that people remember her. She is someone who lived and not just someone who died. Just think how easy that will be for you to put a smile on my face! It will make me extra happy on my birthday!

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I am hoping to receive an email from you soon. Much Love and Respect! ♥♥♥

Please share and repost.
♥♥♥

Painted Alanna's Name

Thank you Kyla for the beautiful painted name of Alanna! It means so much to me to have Alanna remembered. I really love seeing her name, another one to be added to my Alanna's Name Collection. ♥♥♥

Liebster Award

First thing first I want to thank Haydon's Mommy, Gabriel's Mommy and Tossie's Mommy for nominating me for the Liebster award and passing the award on to my blog.

Honestly I had to Google about it making sure it's for real and not a spam that was just posted randomly by a machine because the comment  came one after the other but guess it's a real thing. 

I found that Liebster Award is like a cross between a chain letter and an award given by bloggers to bloggers; ("Liebster" is a German word and it means sweetheart, beloved person, darling) Yey!! ♥♥♥

RULES:

This award is given to new or up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another.

1. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you.

2. Then, create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.

3. Choose 11 new bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.

4. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.

5. No tag backs.

Again, I appreciate the the nominations -- and I'm happy to answer questions from...

...Haydon's Mommy: 1. What do you hope 2013 will be like for you? To heal and find peace. Also wanted to learn how to drive. 2. If you could give advice to any other grieving parent, what would it be? Be gentle to yourself; It is ok to grieve and know that you are not alone. 3. When you are upset, what brings you most comfort? My children. 4. If there was a house fire, what objects would you rescue first? Funny I was just thinking about this when I was fixing Alanna's box few hours ago and thought that I would grab the little things I have of Alanna. 5. What quotes can you most relate to? "to infinity and beyond~!" fr Toy Story *grin*  6. If you could move to anywhere in the world, where would it be? I can move anywhere as long as I am with my family.♥ 7. Describe a perfect day? A perfect day is when I am with my family especially when I hear my kids laugh, knowing that they are OK. 8. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? "to be closer to God"  9. Why do you blog? I blog to release my emotions, it is my way of talking to my baby Alanna. Also loved that I met         bereaved parents who helped and supported me on my journey of healing. 10. What 'words' has someone said to you that has stayed in your mind and won't leave? (good or bad) "be gentle with yourself as you grieve", "you are not alone" ,"in time the intensity of the emotions you are feeling will soften" 11. Will you let me know that you have entered this competition and answered these questions? I'd love to know xx OK.

...Gabriel's Mommy: 1. Do you believe in Heaven? Why or why not? Yes, I guess because I grew up believing there is heaven. 2. What is your favorite book?  I don't have one.  3. Have you ever been on T.V.? No...I don't think so.... oh they have this CCTV Camera in Walmart. Me and my son always wave whenever we enter. LOL. 4. Do you have any tattoos? If so, describe them. No, but I am thinking of getting one... maybe Alanna's feet? 5. What are you most proud of? My family. 6. Do you remember what you dreamed about last night? I don't think I dreamt last night. 7. Would you rather cook or do the dishes? uhmmmm.. can I skip both? ok, maybe cook?! 8. Have you ever been on a blind date? If so, how was it? hahaha.. yes, in a HS fair? It was just a funny game.  9. Have you ever met a famous person? If so, who? If not, who would you like to meet? I don't think so. Oprah? 10. What is the best gift you have received related to the loss of your baby? All gifts. It's the thought that counts. Just remembering her is the best gift I have received. 11. If they made a movie about you and your life, what would the title be? Alanna

...Tossie's Mommy: 1) Sunrise or Sunset? Sunrise 2) Cooking or Baking? I want to learn Baking 3) Perfect Day? Just being with my family worrying about what fun things to do 4) Do you prefer Movies or Books? Movies 5) What do you hope to accomplish this year? To heal and find peace. Also wanted to learn how to drive. 6) Favorite Animal? We just got an aquarium, so a fish is my favorite this days.. and my shrimps 7) White Milk or Chocolate? Chocolate 8) Favorite Dessert? Red Velvet cake 9) Your Favorite Treat for Yourself? Anything sweets 10) What do you collect? Anything that has Alanna's name ♥  11) What do you like most about Nature? Nature is beautiful and free to enjoy.

My Nominees are (drum-roll please): Hope and Janessa's Mom of PinWheels from Heaven Toren's Mom of On Stillness Debby of For your Tears Rhonda of You are Always In My Heart Ethan's Mom of Ethan's Love Lindsey of Two boys, two pairs of wings, and my broken heart Matthew's Dad of  Healing After Losing One's Child Cordelia's Mom of One Mumma's Journey Caleb's Mom of Caleb's Story Maya's Mom of Happiness at the Core Lincoln's Mom of  My Happily ever after Stewart Edition Ollie's Mom of The Hebbs Questions for my Nominees: If you had to change your name, what would you want it to be? Why? If you could travel in time, where in time would you go? Why? What can you say to me? (anything random?) Do you believe in life after death? Who inspires you? Why? What is something that you have always wanted to try? What is your favorite food? What would people do to make you happy and smile? If you could write one law what would it be? What is your favorite fruit? Do you think it is cool when it is color pink? Are you a morning person?   I look forward to reading your answers!

Happy 5-months Heaven Birthday my baby Alanna

Yesterday was Alanna's 5-months heaven birthday. Of course I woke up thinking about what would have been like if she is here with my family. Just imagining her maybe smiling at me, giving her my "sandwich" kiss with her chubby cheeks. 

We bought flowers for you, that's one thing I look forward doing every month. I've never like fresh flowers in the house but when I lost you I look forward choosing fresh flowers for your birthday. I guess it will be "my tradition" buying flower every 19th of the month. Love and miss you Alanna. Hope you like the flower I picked.

Daddy also wants to say "He loves and misses you. You will always be in our hearts."  

5-months heaven birthday

♥♥♥♥♥

Monthly Birthday:

♥ 1-month bday

♥ 2-months bday

♥ 3-months bday
♥ 4-months bday
♥ 5-months bday
♥6-months bday
♥7-months bday
♥8-months bday

Justice for All - Certificate of Life

Alanna's Certificate of Life

Thank you for doing this Ami~! 

Please visit Ami's website "Justice for All"--  Ami makes  the certificate in Justice's memory to give back some peace and comfort to those who have lost a baby. Just as any baby who is conceived or born is issued a birth certificate. She personalized certificates for anyone who has lost a child, or knows someone who has lost a child. Read about Ami, Justice and her work and request your child's own Soul Certificate/ Certificate of Life for free on her site. 

Alanna's Name on the Snow

Just wanted to share Alanna's name on the snow:

Alanna's Snow Names ♥

Alanna's Names and also ClayNames on the Snow

December 27, 2012 --first big snowfall after losing our baby Alanna. I looked at the window and I saw blankets of snow and of course the first thing I did was go out and write Alanna's name. I opened our patio door and felt the cold wind in my face. It felt like being kissed by an Angel, I thought it was my Alanna kissing me in the cheeks. Who knows? I do! I believe that she was there, she gave me a blow kiss from heaven. ♥ 

In the evening, we went out and had to clean our front house, shovel the snow and of course play, play play. OK, ok, honestly Daddy did the clean up, my kids mostly played and I took pictures. Did some snow names on the snow and took photos too. But the best part is my kids enjoying their snow play day. I admit, I felt a sting because I miss Alanna. I've wondered how would it feel like helping her put on her snow clothes or shoes, throwing snowballs at her, or seeing her play with her brothers and sister...again thinking about my "what ifs". 

Love you my Angel Alanna~! ♥♥♥

3 Kids and an Angel

More Personalized Christmas 2012 Ornaments for Baby Alanna

I know 2012 is over but I just want to share the Personalized Christmas Ornaments that I got for Alanna. I was praying for them to arrive before Christmas day and they all did came on time, came a day before Christmas. I was not able to post them as Holidays has been really busy. But here there are: 

♥ Thanks Alanna, I was praying for them to come before Christmas and you did it for Mommy. Love you Baby~! You made my heart jumped for joy. Christmas wasn't that all bad because I know and I feel you were there. ♥

Alanna Phoebe 2012 Christmas Ornament
A Year that I will never forget ♥

♥ Alanna Phoebe Baby Pink Snowman ♥
I really wish I have her on my stockings
on Christmas. Love you Baby~!

I love that I chose this, Alanna is an Angel
for her brothers and sister

~Alanna is always going to be part of our Christmas~
♥ Our Family Names All Complete ♥

Mom, Dad and our kids~!
♥ Alanna will always be a part of our family ♥

Our Family

For those people who are interested to buy this things or similar. I got them at Ebay, the name of the seller is mj23collector. Go to his Ebay Store HERE. ♥

Remembering Year 2012

There so many things that I want to write about the year 2012  but for some reason I don't really know how to start. I guess because half of it I want to forget and half I want to remember. There's so many happy, sad and "sadappy" moments but I guess my 2012 will always be remembered as the year when I met my baby Alanna. It will also a year I lost someone so precious in my family, someone who is very important to me. 2012-- My Alanna was born and was taken away.

I think when I hear or see the year 2012, it will be always remembered how my baby Alanna was born but was taken so suddenly away from us. Is that something bad? or good? There will be always something different or should I say something 'special' about my 2012. Year 2012 is a year that I will never forget. 

Would it be unfair that some of  the events that happen to my family this year will not be too remembered like our family vacations or our family celebrating holidays or even my kids birthday parties? Am I a bad mother to my other kids because all I can think about is what happen to my baby Alanna and not when they turned 3 or 6 or 10 years old?  

2012 is a year...

...when I turned 32.

...when my kids turned 10, 6 and 3 years old.

...when I found out that I am having a baby girl.

...when we went to the Philippines for a family vacation(Alanna was there too~! in my tummy♥♥♥)

...when my heart was broken because of someone who you trusted so much.

...when my heart broke because I lost my baby daughter Alanna. 

...when I felt how losing someone can hurt so much.

...when I met who really are my true friends and family.

...when I learn to blog and meet new people.

...when I realize things shouldn't be taken for granted.

Importantly 2012 is a year when I met my beautiful, precious baby Alanna.

It may be a year when my baby died but it will also be remembered as a year that she was born. I even feel that I am not ready for 2013 but then here it is..it's a new year. new hope and a  new life ahead that I am not sure what it brings for my family. 

I am ending my year missing my baby Alanna and starting it with missing her still. We lit a sparkle on new year to remember you my baby. The cold weather never stopped us from lighting them for you. I hope you enjoyed looking at them as your brother and sister lit them. We love and miss you so much my baby~! Loving you for Infinity and Beyond~!

big sister lighting a sparkle with Alanna's sparkle

big bro lighting a sparkle with Alanna's sparkle

Alanna's sparkles sending our love