My First Birthday as Alanna's Mom

February is the month I turned another year older, Feb 2nd--Ground hog day for some people to be exact! The day I had to think what has happened on this 33 years of my life. The Good, the Bad, and the Happy days. Although, I am thankful that I have reached this age knowing that my baby Alanna was only given few hours to live. Thinking about it just makes me miss her more. Why can't she grow old? But I guess she will always be My Forever Baby. 

Another year older, I am happy because I am here healthy with Alanna's brothers and sister to take care and love. Reason for me to fight and go on with my life. Life is still good despite what happened to one of my children.

Another milestone, another bittersweet day. Of course I was thinking what would it be like with Alanna on my birthday. I would've invited my family and friends to celebrate my birthday at home because she's too small to be in a restaurant but then reality is, she is not here with me to celebrate. No birthday party for me with my new baby. Also afraid to be asked the question "what do you want for your birthday?" Just imagining myself avoiding the question because deep in my heart nobody can give me what I want. All I want is my baby with me, in my arms. But then life is still good-- another year to look forward to-- another day closer in reuniting with my baby when my time is come. For now I will be with my other 3 kids 'celebrating while I imagine Alanna celebrating my birthday in heaven with other babies whose parents I met.

my simple birthday cake
from my loving spouse and kids
I LOVE YOU GUYS~!

Did I celebrate? I did not really made plan for any party. I was even scramming and checking out restaurants to go to. Plus, my kids were asking where are we celebrating but then lucky my sister-in-law called us and invited us over. We ended up going to her place and just bought take out sushi and cake to bring there.

The best part for my birthday was receiving my birthday request from people who made that effort to write Alanna's name. I was so excited receiving them one by one. My heart was so touched by the people who wrote her name. Although I admit, I was expecting other people to send it but then I received them from those people who I was not expecting. I don't know... I am just so surprised. 

Anyhow... I have this blog draft sitting for awhile that I don't want to add anymore and just want to share this Alanna's Name that I received. Again, I want to thank all those people who made that extra time to write her name. I am so touched~! best birthday present ever! THANKs!!!!

--------------------- Alanna's Name Gallery - my bday request
Again-- Thank you All!