For Alanna's 6-months Heaven Birthday

More than half a year has passed already?! Really time flies so fast. Sorry for not having the time to write posts. Really late writing this one. But eniweyz, I am writing today to share what we have gotten Alanna on her 6th-month heaven birthday. We usually buy flowers every 19th of the month but for her 6-months heaven birthday(February 19th) I told my hubby that I want to get her  not just flowers but a flowering plant-- I got Orchids. I saw this plant when a friend of mine in facebook posted an orchid that she got on valentines day and so I thought this would be a nice thing to get my Alanna. I am hoping for the orchid plant to stay alive longer than 2 months? (Let's hope~!? who know?). Yeah, I know I am bad with planting. Not a green thumb here! I don't really know how to take care of any but I just feel like getting one to remember her. I've been wanting to grow live plants in our house but I am just not that person who's good with plants, maybe  I should learn how to do that. There's an instruction attached to it, the labels says "Just add Ice Orchids", Ice is easy to get but I really don't know where to get that sunshine it needs. It's winter here in Canada and I don't think I can bring it out in this cold weather. For now if I see sunshine by the window, I put it there. If anyone has any advice, feel free to comment or message me. But for now I will rely on what Google gives me. Hoping my not so green thumb will somehow keep these beautiful orchids alive.

Getting these orchids also reminds me of my grandma 'Cela, who died last 2009. She was one of those people who took care of me and my brother when we where kids in the Philippines while my mom works abroad. I remember during my childhood how she is good with plants, vegetables and just anything in her garden. I use to go for walks with her looking for a black fertilized soil that she digs,  she carries them to bring in her garden while I play with soils.  I admit it made me sad thinking that she is gone now, I miss her like my Alanna. I wish she was here to tell me how to take care of plants. 

My Grandma went to US and stayed with my uncles and aunt  for so many years but she came here once in Canada for a vacation. I was so happy to see her after so many years. We were even telling her to stay with us here in Canada. After a few months of going back to US, we found out that she was hospitalized. Then next thing we got is the bad shocking news, I remember being very sad that day and tried so hard to hold my tears. It's like she just waited to see us for the last time before saying her goodbyes to us. A sudden lost for my family just like my baby Alanna. But that day made me realize that my Alanna is now with her, I visualize my grandma holding her and taking care of her like when she took care of me when I was small. I feel happy knowing that they are together and I'm just imagining them in a heaven garden planting the most beautiful flowers. Today, I have teary eyes writing this post but I am happy knowing that there are close people with my little precious Alanna watching over her. And one of them is my Grandma Cela.

          

they call it "Just add Ice Orchids"

Orchid getting sunshine beside Alanna's Memory Box

Happy 6-Months Heaven Birthday my baby Alanna

Time really flies. 6 months already?! I am proud to say the pain is lesser now. Don't get me wrong I still wish she is with me and of course I miss her to the MAX! There is no day that I think of my Alanna but I am here to announced that I have accepted that she will not be with me on this lifetime. HAH! Look at me, typing this while here I am in tears again *PAUSE* deep breath Anna.

I've released the anger that I feel to myself, I know that she is watching me from up there and she would want me to live my life the fullest. She would not want me to be sad and cry everyday because I know that she is with the Lord God. Why should I cry over that? Yes, I am sad that I was not given the chance to spend time with her that long but I am happy that she is up there, with God and the other angels. She is our baby Angel watching over us.

HAHAHAHAHA... OK, I had to type that-- I am in tears and sniffing again. Gosh I need to grab a tissue.

from Debby @ For Your Tears
Thank you!

Today, as per usual I plan to get flowers for Alanna and lit a candle. I'll post pictures on my next post once I got them. I plan to go out with my son in the mall to get what flower I was thinking to get her today. I hope I find the flower plant that I have in mind.

For now, I want to share this Handkerchief that I've received this past week, I want to give thanks to Debby from For Your Tears, she sends out handkerchief to women who have lost a child. Read her post and visit her HERE.

This 'hanky' came very handy today. Thanks Debby ♥♥♥.

OK, got to run and get ready.
Happy 6-months Heaven Birthday Alanna. I love you~!

Late Post Valentine Day

Happy Valentines Day my L♥ve-- Alanna

I want to thank this wonderful people:

Catherine from Gabriel's Garden

From my brother Leonard and his family

	From Kayla Ann @ Unexpected Miracle

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Flowers and Chocolates

Daddy gave me beautiful flowers and chocolates. Chocolates remind me of when I was pregnant with Alanna because when I was pregnant I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I never had this when I was pregnant with my other kids, only with Alanna. I remember few days before I lost Alanna that I even went to this seminar about what to eat and what not to eat--Sugar Diets. How to count your sugar and we were even given this strips to check our sugar levels . After the seminar, I tried taking care of what I eat especially chocolates. I love them but then of course I had to stop eating them and watch my sugar when I was pregnant. Chocolates (or anything sweet) makes me wonder.  Maybe? Maybe one of the reason why Alanna came out too soon. I am not sure-- but I've always thought--- but again I will never know.

Flower from Dadi

Anyhowz, we celebrated Valentines by simply going out and eating at Pizza Hut. All 5 of us enjoyed the food and each others company. Another day of celebration without my baby Alanna but I know she was there watching us.

Family Valentines Dinner 2013 @ Pizza Hut
My hubby, me & my 3 kids (missing one-in heaven ♥)

salad, breadsticks and chicken wings

pasta and pizza

Who am I kidding? I can eat anything now *heartbroke*

My First Birthday as Alanna's Mom

February is the month I turned another year older, Feb 2nd--Ground hog day for some people to be exact! The day I had to think what has happened on this 33 years of my life. The Good, the Bad, and the Happy days. Although, I am thankful that I have reached this age knowing that my baby Alanna was only given few hours to live. Thinking about it just makes me miss her more. Why can't she grow old? But I guess she will always be My Forever Baby. 

Another year older, I am happy because I am here healthy with Alanna's brothers and sister to take care and love. Reason for me to fight and go on with my life. Life is still good despite what happened to one of my children.

Another milestone, another bittersweet day. Of course I was thinking what would it be like with Alanna on my birthday. I would've invited my family and friends to celebrate my birthday at home because she's too small to be in a restaurant but then reality is, she is not here with me to celebrate. No birthday party for me with my new baby. Also afraid to be asked the question "what do you want for your birthday?" Just imagining myself avoiding the question because deep in my heart nobody can give me what I want. All I want is my baby with me, in my arms. But then life is still good-- another year to look forward to-- another day closer in reuniting with my baby when my time is come. For now I will be with my other 3 kids 'celebrating while I imagine Alanna celebrating my birthday in heaven with other babies whose parents I met.

my simple birthday cake
from my loving spouse and kids
I LOVE YOU GUYS~!

Did I celebrate? I did not really made plan for any party. I was even scramming and checking out restaurants to go to. Plus, my kids were asking where are we celebrating but then lucky my sister-in-law called us and invited us over. We ended up going to her place and just bought take out sushi and cake to bring there.

The best part for my birthday was receiving my birthday request from people who made that effort to write Alanna's name. I was so excited receiving them one by one. My heart was so touched by the people who wrote her name. Although I admit, I was expecting other people to send it but then I received them from those people who I was not expecting. I don't know... I am just so surprised. 

Anyhow... I have this blog draft sitting for awhile that I don't want to add anymore and just want to share this Alanna's Name that I received. Again, I want to thank all those people who made that extra time to write her name. I am so touched~! best birthday present ever! THANKs!!!!

--------------------- Alanna's Name Gallery - my bday request
Again-- Thank you All!

The Church of the Holy Innocents - The Book of Life

Last month, I have asked the Church of the Holy Innocents to have Alanna's name added to the "Book of Life". Here, a candle is always lit in memory of babies who have died before and at birth. People stop to pray all day long.  It gives me peace and comfort to know that she is remembered and prayed for everyday. Their pastor (Fr. Thomas Kallumady), who takes care of the Shrine ministry at the Holy Innocent sent me also a Certificate of Life. I am hoping that someday I will come to visit their Shrine in New York City.

If you are a parent who have lost a child and want to have the opportunity to have your baby's name inscribed in the Book of Life please do visit their site.

My Baby Alanna's Certificate of Life from
the Church of the Holy Innocents

Maura Lynn's Baby Loss Memorial Blocks

First thing first I love getting things with Alanna's name on it. For those who have known me, you probably know that I am so obsessed with it. I am planning to make our glass cabinet in our basement as Alanna's cabinet as my mini-shadow-cabinet that I have in my room is already filling up fast. I just can't decide because I don't want to put her things in the basement and I think that glass cabinet is very heavy to be lifted up in our bedroom... still debating.

Today, I want to share what I have gotten in the mail last week! It finally came! Maura Lynn's Baby Loss Memorial Block for my Alanna. I was so excited to open it as it was shaped as a block when it came and I knew that it was the one I have requested. I think what they do is a great way to honor baby Maura Lynn. They also provide direction and support in the PAIL Community. I know I will always remember baby Maura Lynn, I feel happy that my baby Alanna is not alone and found another friend-- Maura Lynn. ♥♥

To request, donate, or read what they do to honor Maura Lynn Shafer please check their site at http://maurasmission.com

Again, thank you for the wonderful Memorial Block for my Alanna Phoebe.