Sunday, 9 September 2012

Out with friends after loss

Hi Alanna,

Mommy went out for the very first time with close friends without daddy, your Kuya KC, Ate Ava and your hyper brother Diezel last night. I was hesitating to go out because I felt that I was not ready yet but then I thought that maybe this is my chance to test myself in a public place. Atleast if mommy breaks down, I have your Tita Jhen, Tita Janette, Tita Jane and Pugay to help me out.
Also thought that these people makes me laugh whenever Im with them and hoping that if I became sad and felt like crying, I can inhale-exhale and hopefully they'll make me laugh and forget.

We went to see the show Mysteriously Yours, honestly when I went to the website I was thinking if I want to watch it because it involves murder.. which means it's close to 'death' but then they've already plan it and already bought the tickets so I decided to go. The show was actually funny so I was able to enjoy and not think a lot about what happen to you. But then you come and go in my thoughts. It started with an appetizer, and of course, as always, everytime I start a meal after you're gone I have to pause a bit and think about you. Always wishing that its you who will be eating all the food that I will be eating. Everyday it is hard for me but mommy need to move on --have to think about your brothers, sister and daddy too. That I know you understand and that part you are helping me-- loving them and taking care of our family. (*sorry if mommy starting to cry again). Eniweyz, the main course and dessert came and the show started. Mommy was enjoying and laughing. For 3 hours, Mommy did forget about the loneliness in her heart. After the show, went home late and everybody was asleep except for daddy. I bought late snacks for your brothers and sister but I guess they're so tired waiting and already fell asleep. Going to bed is hard that night because I have this guilt that I did forget about You for a minute there but I think this is what you want me to do. I know that your with Him now and you are up there watching over our family. I love you Alanna. Im sorry if mommy wants to forget, it not you but just the pain that she is feeling in my heart that Mommy wants to forget. ("have to end for now my baby, mommy's tears cant stop from flowing again). Love you love you and I miss you so much.


picture with the girls

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