Few more minutes and your birthday will be over... thought I dont have to... thought I could make it without crying today but someone texted me "It's okay to cry". I even smile when I got that text and told myself Im not going sad... I'm not going to cry..."I am okay!" Told myself everytime I remember you today... "I'm not going to cry", "...not going to cry", "dont cry!" shit! #@$% "dont cry!" "smile!" I really tried to avoid crying and be sad.. I tried to make myself busy but guess I just have to face it.. I dont even know if I should hate todays date. Been so hard... time seems slow today, maybe because I'm just thinking about that day again, the day I lost you. The day that change my life- - big time! Big change! How I look at things now differently because of what happen. I lost. I cried. I dont even know if this post make sense. Just have to type just to vent.. I have to let it out. It's okay to cry. I wish I could give you a kiss ang hug you... til we meet again... Happy birthday to you! I love you Alanna. ♾💖
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