To Friends and Family

Some of you know that these past few days I've been coping with  the loss of my daughter Alanna. I want to thank our relatives who has given me and my family support during this hard times. From the day we have lost my baby Alanna in the hospital, from funeral arrangements and up until now. I might not be able to thank each and everyone personally but I am hoping that in the future I will return the help and good favor that you have done to our family in a different way.

To all our close friends who were there with us on that sad day in the funeral, your presence and support is greatly appreciated-- from the bottom of our hearts-- thank you very much!

We have lost one of the most important person in the world and I will grieve her loss for the rest of my life. Honestly it's hard for me in words to describe what I am feeling right now. All I know is that I lost a child, a very special person and a sister for my other kids. My plans and dreams we had for her are gone, even the experience of doing things with her and seeing her grow. My kids won't experience what its like to be with her and to play with her. I will never know how her cry would sound or even hear her talk. There would be always a hole in my heart.

Many people worry that by mentioning death, they will somehow remind me of my loss and create pain. Please do not be afraid about this--Alanna's loss is already continuously on my mind. The pain is already there in some shape or form. Do not be uncomfortable approaching us about what happen and mentioning her name 'Alanna'. Say it! Yes, sometimes I cry[maybe most of the time] when I talked about her, but this is not your fault. When you say her name, it reminds me that she lived, not that she died. I'm more scared that she will be one day be forgotten.

A caring, sympathetic ear can be more helpful than the most silver tongues. Most of the time I am quiet but  letting me talk as much as I need to and whenever I need to really helps. Even if I keep on repeating myself just let me say it and just be there for me. I am apologizing now if sometime I don't make any sense, I don't think straight sometime when I am crying and my emotions are mix up.

Please avoid the the words "you need to move on" or "you should be over it by now"(I will heal and find happiness again, but no one "gets over" the lost of a loved one, She will always be a part of who I am),  "I know exactly how you feel"(You don't!!), "you are young you can have more children"(Alanna is irreplaceable, saying those words doesn't take away the grief of us losing our baby) or being asked the question "are you going to have another baby?" (harsh. how can you ask me this question so soon?). These words DO NOT help, despite your best intentions.  I would rather hear that you are there for me or just be silent.

Sometimes silence is GOLDEN. By this, I don't mean the silence that comes from avoiding the topic.  It's more of sitting with us allowing us to pour our hearts out or just a genuine loving hug.

Please allow me to cry and release my emotions. I know it is impossible for someone who has not been in the same situation to understand how difficult it is to lose someone they love. Even if it happened in the past, it will hurt forever. I am trying so hard to learn how to control my tears from flowing but once said to me that it is healthier to let it out. I will forever grieve knowing that she will never be in my arms at least not on this lifetime. Alanna will always be Our Forever Baby.

Lastly, thank you for your time reading this note. By doing so, you have done enough.

Love and Respect to Everyone,

Anna

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